Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Such a Liar

In addition to getting my own email at work, I also get my department's general email. Basically, if someone doesn't know who they want to contact, they contact me.

Last week, I got an email that started:

Hello. I wanted to follow up on an email I sent recently. Since I hadn't hear back yet, I thought I'd try again to connect with you." 
I am the CEO of yaddayaddayadda. As I mentioned in my last email, we specialize in yaddayaddayadda.
We've been having tremendous success in yaddayaddayadda working with FamousPlace, OtherFamousPlace, LocalFamousPlace, NationalFamousPlace, ImpressiveFamousPlace and others. I'd like to connect with you blah blah blah.
We're very proud of all the success we've had no behalf of our ... clients. Here are just a few examples: [five lines of admittedly impressive examples].
If we could connect to learn about each other's work and see how we might collaborate, I'd really like that. Just let me know and we can work out a time to meet on a call!"

So basically, a sales email.  That's fine. What I don't like, though, what I really don't like, is this "I tried to contact you and you never got back to me (so now you're obligated to return my email or you're just rude)." I didn't get an email from him. I checked. In fact, I double checked. And I'm a little tired of being super polite about things like this. So I was only a little polite.

"Dear Mr. BigImportantCeo,

I cannot find the email that you reference. Can you forward me a copy?"  (Put that in your pipe and smoke it.)

So he emailed me back with:

Dear Ms. Giraffe,
Thanks so much for the quick reply!  I had sent an email, then a follow-up to MyWorkCEO, but had not gotten a response, so I thought I would try connecting with you.  Perhaps I should have reached out to you first off, given that the area I wanted to connect on is your bailiwick.
I'd love to find a time to speak, if you think a collaboration might be fruitful - may we set up a time to talk?
I look forward to continuing this conversation!

No you big fat liar. I don't care if a collaboration might be fruitful (okay, I might care if it would be, but it wouldn't be). I don't like your style.

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