Tuesday, January 06, 2015

Happy New Year, 2015

I spent the turn of the year in Pennsylvania with various family members. I helped Beernut with some homework, took Poppyseed to the movies,  sorted Pokemon cards with Peach, chilled with Rivster and Bill, brunched with Ace and Bette, and had, in general, a gay old time.

In other news, I've recently fell in love with the site Captain Awkward. There are a dozen fantastic things about it, but for brevity's sake, I shall pick just one and that one is the concept of the Darth Vader boyfriend.

“Luke, your dad is totally evil.”
“There’s good in him. I’ve felt it.”
“Luke, he blew up a planet just to make a point.”
“There’s good in him! I’ve felt it!”
“Luke, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but he severed your hand.  From your arm. He cut it off.”
“Dueling to the death is just how we relate. You wouldn’t understand it. Now that we both have prosthetic robot limbs, it’s only brought us closer together.”
“Luke, he lured your friends into a trap so that he could murder them in front of you. We had to be rescued by Ewoks. It was embarrassing.”
“Yeah, that was pretty bad, I admit! But there’s good in him! I’ve felt it!”
And then Luke is risking his own life to carry Darth Vader out of the Death Star before it explodes so he can look up on that swollen purple face and experience one shining moment of real connection that would justify everything he’s invested in this completely dysfunctional relationship and he’s like “See? IT WAS ALL TOTALLY WORTH IT!” and even R2D2 is like “Whatever, the Ewoks are having a dance party, and I just can’t talk about this with you even one more time. Have fun with your collection of Ghostly Jedi Father Figures.”

This is especially relevant to me right now because one of my friend's has a Darth Vader boyfriend and I really want to kick him in the head. And I very rarely want to kick anyone in the head.
That reminds me. I should really work on my flexibility. Because regardless of intentions, if one has to kick someone in the head, it's really best to be able to do so from a standing position. Boom!

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